I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
