I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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