respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
