Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
