I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
