I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
