took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
