I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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