You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
