If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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