i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
FUCK WHALES
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
