I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
