you didnt know i had herpes?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
