I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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