I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
