Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
