Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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