I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
