3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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