do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
