Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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