Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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