Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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