dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
