babies were throwing up all over the place
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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