dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
