Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
