video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
