I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
