Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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