Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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