Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
This is my gift to your gina
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
