I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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