burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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