remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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