i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
