Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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