so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
