Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
