i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
