i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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