I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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