she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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