I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
