We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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