I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
