apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
