Please, let me fuck your mom
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think your dad took our porno
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
