if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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