I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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