I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Randomize
