it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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