I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
