just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just want to make out with him forever
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
