We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
