ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Houston, we have a squirter
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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