fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
