so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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