last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
